bonita blog images ball

Those repeating patterns

Repeat, rewind, repeat

These patterns are not always related to your relationships with a significant other – they could be related to finances, health, work or friends. Whatever it may relate to in your life, what we know is that this repetitive pattern is one of the most commonly shared human experiences across the globe, irrespective of bank balance or status.

How many times have you made promises to take action, to change certain limiting habits, yet you are continuously left with that nagging feeling? You know that one deep down inside telling you that it does not matter one iota what you do, because these damn patterns will persist in showing up, blocking your life’s dreams?

Maybe it simply runs in the family, you silently whisper to yourself, as you recall how Mom or Dad also faced similar challenges. Oh yes, they also mentioned that Grandad was exactly the same. Definitely must be a genetic thing our family is predisposed to. Sounding familiar?

Common thread

What is this common thread shared by humans? Are we doomed to repeat these patterns until the end of days?

I will let you in on the secret – it’s our subconscious, people! That’s the common thread, the golden chain, the eureka moment.

We all have one, a subconscious, that is. It is an astonishingly powerful information processor that will out-compute any super computer ever envisioned. It can process over thirty billion pieces of information per second and is over a million times more powerful than our conscious mind, which can only process 2,000 bits of information per second.


Power of 2 minds

The subconscious is primarily a recording mechanism – a hard drive that never sleeps and from the point of conception it records everything for later playback. After receiving a repetition of information these programs get embedded in the subconscious mind and begin to run automatically. The conscious mind, on the other hand, is often wasting most of its time worrying about the future, thinking about the past or solving a myriad of imaginary problems.

Who is in control?

Neuroscience has now established that, contrary to popular belief, the conscious mind only runs the show about 5% of the time. This means that 95% of our lives, actions, decisions, emotions, behaviours and what we draw into our lives is driven by the subconscious, that mysterious dark matter we seldom give a moment’s thought to. So, most of the outcomes in our lives are under the control of old, often irrelevant programs that don’t even belong to us – and THIS IS THE PROBLEM.

Why is this a problem?

Because the programming of the subconscious takes place largely during the first 6 years of a human’s life. Patterns carried over from one generation to the next get downloaded through our parents, as theirs were gifted to them by their parents and theirs before them. So yes, you are similar to your Dad, your Grandad, or your Grandmother, since you were wired by all their words, actions, beliefs and fears. Yes, it does therefore run in the family. These similarities are passed down from one generation to the next, leaving us with the belief that little of this can be changed.

This topic is so vast that a mere blog certainly does it no justice, however, the importance of the topic cannot be underestimated, hence the blog and my immediate reference to a brilliant book on the topic called The Biology of Belief by Dr. Bruce Lipton.

Where did it all start?

A large part of your subconscious is already wired by the time you are born. The foetus takes in many of the mother’s emotions, behaviours, hopes and fears expressed while the baby is in utero. Yes Mama, your baby is listening and feels all you do. Essentially, this is where the wiring starts. Unfortunately, our parents and caregivers are seldom aware that everything they are doing and saying to us, and around us, is permanently being recorded into the very essence of our being.

The first 6 years of your life were spent largely in the subconscious mind, in a Theta energy state which is often referred to as the Imprinting Period of Human Development. During this period you absorbed everything, accepting it all as true and recording it in the subconscious for later playback. The conscious mind, the Alpha state, does not engage as the predominant state until after you have reached the age of 6. This means that for the first period of your life you did not have the capability to to decide what to accept and what to reject before it was recorded into you. You were the proverbial sponge, soaking up everything, good or bad, positive or negative.

The wiring you acquire during these crucial years become the most powerful, influential and fundamental subconscious programs that shape and control your life.

Some examples

Brandy Faith Weld shares that she was the product of passion. When her mother told her father that she was pregnant she quickly added, “Don’t worry, the child and I will be fine on our own. We won’t be a burden to you”. All her mom’s protesting during the pregnancy about not wanting to burden her father was being deeply programmed in Brandy’s subconscious mind. This fear came from her mother, Brandy’s grandmother, who too was a product of passion. Her grandfather was a flyboy during World War II and although he married her, “doing the right thing” he resented it and saw her grandmother as a burden and this was deeply programmed into her. Unfortunately, the programming seldom stops here – generations may be impacted by this transference of subconscious wiring.

Brandy also speaks of a young man who constantly had feelings of rejection and abandonment which he could not understand. When he started unpacking some of the context relating to his formative years he was told that at 6 months his mother abruptly stopped breast feeding him because she had breast cancer and as a result, a double mastectomy. She didn’t really reject or abandon him at all, however, that is how the experience was recorded in his subconscious because he did not yet have the ability to leverage his conscious mind to reject these feelings as unfounded.

My greatness, parenting is a whole new level of responsibility when one considers the powerful subconscious 🤭.

Now when life keeps repeating itself we often work hard using our limited conscious mind to make all the required changes without looking at the subconscious in the slightest. Now, given the power of the subconscious, as compared to the limited power of the conscious mind, it is no surprise that the subconscious wins time and time again.

The Jesuits, from the Bible, as well as Einstein himself said “Give me a the child until it is seven and I will give you the man”.

Wanting to make more lasting change?

Start looking at what happened in your life as a young child. Most of us don’t have clear memories of these years, particularly the months while in utero. Ask your parents, siblings, family members what they remember. Let curiosity drive you as you dig deep to understand the context of this time. Very often it’s here that you will find the answers to your very own subconscious wiring, the very same place from where real meaningful, sustainable change takes place.

Once the subconscious mind accepts an idea it begins to execute it.

Humans in the loop

Is there anyone reading this who has not heard of, played with or been exposed to gen AI? Everyone is talking about it: CEOs are

Data: Story: Culture

You may be asking yourself what these three have in common. If you are, you are not alone; few make the critical connection between them.

Surrender ≠ Giving Up

Surrender = embracing uncertainty, letting go of the illusion of control, and realising how constantly fighting for it exhausts us. Rumi advises, “Embrace uncertainty; only

Resolutions? What?

Another 365 days await; by now, it’s closer to 355 and counting. So, how exactly are those “resolutions” working for you? No, I am not

1 Makes a Difference

We are swiftly again moving closer to that moment you jump from one year into another in a blink of an eye. Yes, I am