How often do you say this?
How often do you hear this?
And what in heaven’s name does fine actually mean to you?
No, not the dictionary definition, what do you really mean when you say “I am fine”? The world is raging on, life is wild and woolly, often messy and unpredictable, filled with surprises and disappointments. Yet somehow, we are all always just simply frikken fine, aren’t we?
The English language has so many expressive words available to describe our incredibly wide range of human emotions, our moods, and our experiences, yet so often we limit ourselves to “FINE“.
I say FINE means “fully (or simply f%$#@) incapable of normal expression”. Something we all routinely say without giving it one iota of real thought.
Why do I say this?
Because you are wearing so many masks that you seldom know how or what you actually feel from one moment to the next. How did you feel yesterday? What did you feel the day before? Last week?
Yes I know, you are just so busy, not a moment to notice and give expression to that warm smile desperate to embrace your lips because someone said you look gorgeous, and damn it’s been a while. Or to feel the sting of the tear desperately clawing its way through your hard-boiled exterior because you didn’t get the promotion.
Between being a parent, a professional, a child, a spouse, and a friend, while also “faking” that incredible social media life, who has the luxury, never mind the time, to know what, or how you feel? How can you even begin to find actual words to express these emotions?
Our generation’s obsession with being positive at all times, not sharing real feelings with others, in case your actual life doesn’t match the “fake” social media one, has resulted in a whole bunch of oh such “fine” people. I guess that’s why depression, anxiety and suicide rates are higher than ever before, because everyone is FINE.
On the bright side, of course, if someone says they are fine, you are not required to do a thing. You are absolved of any need to get involved with a fellow human being, be it sharing in their joy, or lending an ear to their pain.
When asked how you are, you dare not say that you are angry, maybe even frikken fuming mad, or that you are exasperated, aggravated, annoyed, outraged, filled with fear, horror, nervousness or worried. If you dare share this type of emotion, either you are not heard (which is really crappy), or you are immediately told to look on the bright side (which is important, however, not at the risk of always masking what you feel in the moment). Or God forbid, they are suddenly the expert in your particular emotional state, bursting forth with unbridled enthusiasm as they tell you every last detail of their “far worse” experience. WTF?
And the happy moments?
On the other hand, of course, we are even less inclined to use words such as I am filled with joy, jubilation, delight, euphoria, optimism or amazement. True story. Give it a shot, and of course, if you are heard, watch the wide-eyed strange looks you get. “Why are you so happy”? “Have you not read the news and seen the fuel price, electricity costs, or the increase in crime?” “Are you living under a mushroom, life is a mess man, so just spare us your joy”.
Boom, your joy is wasted, and over time, without even noticing, you simply don’t share much anymore, leaving your array of powerful emotions “hidden”.
Do you know how you really feel right now?
What word would describe you right now?
The dilemma of hiding
Why do we hide the secret of possibly not being fine?
Why do we underplay and mask the joy of being absolutely exhilarated?
I am not professing that you camp out in any specific emotional state becoming the victim, that you act out your anger by beating the shit out of someone or that you constantly remind others of your exceptionally amazing life. I am simply suggesting that you take the time to figure out how you really feel from moment to moment, and then feel/express it for a few minutes. Scream out in frustration, stomp your feet, scrunch up your face and clench your fists, then “get off it”.
How often do you jump for joy, fist pump and laugh out loud? You are a fully-feeling, emotional human and expressing your feelings does not mean they have to control your life. It means you are giving expression to what you feel, thus allowing you to enjoy the moment, or in some cases to see things for what they are and to take the required action.
Being only “fine” all the time, particularly when your life is going through changes, only results in you not being fully awake and open to the secrets and gifts your emotions are desperately wanting to show you. Remember that being broken does not mean being unworthy or imperfect, and being filled with joy does not mean you are selfishly living with blinkers, unable to see other pain of others.
You are a whole human being filled with an array of incredibly powerful emotions which have the power to show you amazing things about yourself.
So to hell with being “fully incapable of normal expression” – be real, be wild, feel fully, and express what you feel.
You may need to start small, you don’t want to frighten the hell out of people.
No need to get married to those feelings, living in the tangled web of daily feelings and emotions. Feelings are definitely temporary, and should not control your life, however, they also should be be hidden and suppressed. They are a huge part of what makes you such a messy, glorious, magical creature referred to as a “human”.
And with ALL that, what are you really feeling right now?
Me, I am feeling overwhelmed and sad about Mom. About what she is currently, and will be going through. I feel a tad stressed, yet also excited about work. I remain genuinely optimistic about all the possibilities that surround me. My friends are true silver screen superstars and I am exceptionally grateful to Sam for all her love and unwavering support during 6 months filled with a truck load of life lessons. AKA a frikken tough first 6 months 🙂.
Imagine how little you would know about me right now, how much I would have kept hidden if I had simply said that I am FINE.
How much of you are you hiding behind the word FINE?
“And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom” – Anais Nin.