The time has come to boot all those expectations to the curb and allow “crazy” out to celebrate a decade filled with magic and liberation.
Oh, the monotony of life when you are constantly worrying about what he, she, they, or them think of you. It is time to accept that irrespective of what you do, they are going to think just what they choose to think. To hell with all that “impressing” you are so busy working on and paying for.
Why expectations are limiting
Expectations create narrow definitions and preconceived ideas of how things should be and in addition to limiting your experience, they take your attention away from the beauty of what is, stripping you of the joy of being your authentic, beautiful, courageous, humorous and absolutely incredible self.
Let’s be honest, most of your arguments with that better half are as a result of unmet expectations. You expect them to be damn near perfect, and of course, they expect the very same from you, and as impossible as it seems while you are reading this, you still do it.
You expect your children to show up, grow up and behave in a certain way, and when they don’t, it is seen as a twisted, vindictive plot on behalf of an extremely ungrateful child to hurt and embarrass you. It is experienced as personal, and it most definitely constitutes behaviour that should be crushed at the very least. How very dare they not meet your expectations after all you have done for them?
Of course, no-one ever really discussed these trade off’s upfront. Expectations just seem to come with the territory of relationships across all classes, the silent set of expectations that creates prisons of desperation, unhappiness and quite frankly a bunch of damn miserable, inauthentic humans at best.
To be free of inner conflict and expectations is to give others in our life the greatest freedom. It is when you release from life your expectations, that you and all those you care for start experiencing true freedom.
Now I am not suggesting you all just run wild, although I am not certain that it would be such a bad thing letting “crazy” out for good.
We all have goals, we want to achieve our dreams, and we know that in doing this there will be certain sacrifices that need to be made. What we certainly do not need is to be surrendering our own dreams and our own joy to ensure that we are living up to others’ expectations. If you are doing this, the end game is regret and resentment, dragging around bitterness, unforgiveness and envy. Let me tell you, it simply is not worth the pain it causes in the long term both physically and emotionally.
Why physically? Well, all these emotions show up physically at some point. No getting away from that since your body is listening and becomes the last vestige in a desperate attempt to get your attention, screaming to be noticed, desperate to see you live the life you were born to live.
Let crazy out
Stop hiding crazy. Let her or him out and see what becomes possible. Everyone needs to run barefoot in the rain, shouting at the top of your voice and liberating the wild one. I named my various “crazies”, my wild women, and I have a few – seven to be exact.
Yes, people will be pissed off at you. They will wonder what happened, they will threaten and make huge attempts to guilt-trip you.
Don’t fall for it. Tell them that you mean no harm, share how you have experienced their expectations and how they impact you. Tell them that your love has not changed; you have simply chosen not to continue to live up to all their expectations. Let them know that you will continue to contribute to their joy and happiness, however, selling your own dream to enable theirs is no longer a choice that you are willing to make. Tell them that you have not changed – you have simply woken up.
By taking this stand you are giving them permission to do the same and a greater gift, no-one can give.
“Peace begins where expectation ends” – Sri Chinmoy