Do you say yes when you actually mean no?
Swallowing your feelings
We all know that saying no is often down right uncomfortable, however, do you realise that every time you “swallow” your feelings you are possibly dooming them to lifelong repression or denial?
How do you feel when someone is ignoring you?
Now that’s exactly how your feelings feel when they are being ignored.
No is an answer
Saying no does not make you less of a human being or less worthy as a person. In fact, it makes you a stronger, more purposeful human being who knows their own value. The world will most definitely not stop spinning because you dared to say no. It calmly keeps on rotating and the gift you give yourself is more energy and time to do the things you really want to be doing.
Think about all those times you said yes while no was roaring inside of you, demanding to be heard. How much of your precious time gets wasted on doing things merely to please someone who expects or demands that you always, without fail, say yes?
Who are you so often saying no to?
How is that person left feeling over and over again?
Constantly saying yes?
Always saying yes forces you to adjust yourself to fit and adapt to others’ ideas of what your priorities should be and who you should be, until the day comes that you no longer recognise the person staring back at you in the mirror. How often, out of a desire to please others, do you say yes, squeezing yourself into a mould crafted by society, making the outside world your reference point? All the while wondering desperately whether the proverbial “they” will approve of you and like you if you dress and behave in a prescribed manner.
Failing to say no when you mean no surrounds you with a complex web of should’s which are often in conflict with your dreams and abilities, almost always resulting in a sense of failure, frustration and disappointment. Is this sounding just a little familiar? It’s the human condition, the tremendous price we pay in our desire to please others on the outside, often leaving us broken and unfulfilled on the inside.
Those pesky beliefs
If you had the courage to investigate those beliefs you often use to substantiate a yes, when in fact it should be a resounding no, you will notice that most turn out to be quite ridiculous, yet you have lived, often for years, without ever questioning them.
Renewed thoughts and beliefs are the primary source for opening up new possibilities. Yes, it’s possible, and wildly liberating, to see with new eyes. Your willingness to step into the unknown to explore these possibilities is key, and often the most important action required to unlock your potential is mustering up the courage to say no.
Now, of course, someone is bound to be disappointed when you say no. Disappointment is, however, a perfectly healthy human emotion and allowing those “someones” to experience this emotion could just be the gift you provide them when you dare to say no.
Virginia Satir states that saying no paves the way to saying yes honestly. It allows you be who you are instead of putting up a front to please others.
Before you stress about having your whole world turned upside down, calm down to a panic and remember that looking with new eyes and seeing alternative possibilities, such as learning to say no, does not mean getting rid of everything from the past that is familiar and comfortable. You do not suddenly have to say no to everything, although it may be fun to see how people respond. It simply means that periodically you need to sort out your yes from your no, letting go of the “yeses” that no longer fit, and incorporating “noes” to that which imprisons your dreams.
Learning to say no without feeling guilty or damaging your relationships, and recognising when someone is manipulating you into yes, particularly those humans you love oh so much and seldom find the heart to say no to, are the first critical steps to liberating the “inside you”.
Harness the power of NO and define yourself in a world that is eager to do it for you.